well, it's been awhile. i've been up to my ass in work. what an interesting place that is, but i won't vent about that. i don't know if anyone is reading this that might go there.
i've almost got all things together for my upcoming career change anyway. just a few more details i have to work out. i'm such a lazy bastard.
someone stated that they read my main page and thought it was somewhat humourous. my text and such. the talking to people that aren't there, thinking that they might be reading this empty thought process.
have you every been in a situation where you're not sure as to your actual place. you know what's happening when you're there, you know what happened before. but you're busting 'cause noone else knows. say for example that your doing something, not bad, but good, very good in your eyes. but things that went on before are still lingering, and you told someone that you wouldn't talk about it, and you have nowhere to vent. it's painfull, it's killing me. i'm a person that sees life as being out there with certain things, especially if it's a good thing. i don't like to hide. i did that before, too many times. it got me in trouble. i don't want to do it again. but low and behold here i am again.....
i need popcorn or icecream and a good movie or book.
i'm about to start reading the Essential Daredevil vol 3. i just finished the Essential Killraven vol 1, it was all right. i've already read DD to about #138, so this Essential is just a reread. but the fact that it's b&w is cool. Gene Colan's art in b&w is spectacular. ya see the thing is, i can relate to DD or moreso Matt Murdock. granted i'm not blind, maybe metaphorically, but not physically. MM is this intelligent guy, but he keeps making these drastically ... interesting choices. he appears to have it together, but his choices on certain matters... oi.
i'm very good at my job. at least that's what i think. but who doesn't. when it comes to the personal, since a few years ago, i've been kinda strained. maybe a little scared, but like everyone else i forge on. i used to... well... anyway, i don't want to agonize about the past, but more so i want to learn from what i went through. at this point i'm seeing flags all over the place, which i've seen before. not so much bad things, but... but i feel like i'm being tautological. running around right to beginning to prove my argument... my situation. like i'm going right back into a pattern which i wanted to leave behind, even though the situation i'm striving for seems to be a lot more pleasant... desirable... it's just got some bumps. i mean i like the journey, but there might be these road signs telling me the posted speed, curves and bumps, and i'm not heeding them like i should.
i've talked to a few people, some i know i can trust, and others... well, i'm sure i can. although sometimes i wonder if i'm trying to get people to... all right, sometimes i try to get people to talk about certain things, to do my work for me, and to do that one needs to put the bug in certain people's ears. but i'm trying to do it in the best way possible. ya see my problem is when something bugs me, i need to fix it. i have to confront it. i can't run away, no matter how much i want to, and that it may make my want to run away screaming like a little girl. i just haven't found the best way to do it yet. as it is, this weekend might test that. i'm hoping for a bit of a head to a ceratin thing, but i want the best possible result for ceratin people, myself included in that circle. but somehow, if i'm not careful, it will blow up in my face. i'm trying to sort that out in my head. work out how to handle that before it happens. 'cause right now i feel like i'm in the middle of an ocean with no limbs, opposed to being blind in a forest.